There are so many things that I really want to share here. It's been so hard to just stay faithful in the middle of your struggle to question the purpose of your life before God. I've been questioning this for the past 5 months. Start when God took someone precious in my life. 3 months before I lost my mom, I met someone and I believe what she just said has come from the holy spirit. She asked me "How if God took away your mom? are you ready for that? Do you still love Him?" at that time I said, "I don't know". She explained that our God is a jealous God loh. He really doesn't want everything (including family) took His place away in your heart, your whole life. He can take away everything in your life which means He can take your favorite things, your loved one, even your family.
gak terima dong pas dikasih tau gitu? apaan sih nih orang tiba-tiba ngomong kek gitu? gue kan emang sayang banget sama keluarga. Salah gitu? gue sadar akan hal itu, kalo emang selama ini salah sampe gue lebih sayang sama keluarga dibanding sayang sama Tuhan. But, I just stop there. I didn't do anything further to love God more than everything until He really took my mom away. Dengan alasan yang gue bahkan masih gak nyangka, fungsi ginjal tinggal 7% di satu bulan terakhir? kenapa selama ini gak ke detect pas masih 90,80,-50% ??? Am I a joke to you God? I need her! But again, He is God, I am just a creation. I absolutely cannot go against God's will.
but, look! I can see and feel His providence is real in my life. He still sustains me which is completely broken. He provides what I need instead of what I want. He gives me answers to what I've been questioned about. but still, I am a sinner, I know that God will remain faithful to me, but I don't. I tend to avoid His call. I try to find help, but I didn't come to Him. It's completely difficult. And there a moment when I realized that I was still angry with Him. I said to everyone that I'm okay, I share a lot about God's goodness, and that means that I've been so hypocrite. Shame on me.
walaupun begitu ada satu hal yang betul-betul bikin gue gak habis pikir, terenyuh, berkaca-kaca sekitika dekan gue bilang "kita ini mempelai wanitanya Kristus, dan Ia sekali-kali TIDAK AKAN PERNAH menceraikan kita. When He says He loves us, He mean it! do you love Him?" It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard in this world yet sad at the same time. Kayak selama ini gue mencari-cari cinta tapi gak nyadar dan parahnya menolak cinta paling manis dan paling unconditionally which willingly given to me. Mungkin inilah alasan I cannot get someone I love yet karena yaa gue belum bener-bener cinta Tuhan. Karena cinta Tuhan itu gak akan pernah cukup kalo cuma diucapin doang, harus dihidupi! and again, It's Hard! but when you know who you are, you know why are you doing what you are doing, you'll find that He is the sweetest man you'll ever meet.
So, when we say we love God, how if we still do mistakes and sin? YES! That absolutely makes sense cause you still live in this fallen world which means your whole life is still consist of flesh which also means that YOU will still find and face problems that could be lead you to do sin. But this is the time to test our faith, do we remain faithful when God allows bad things happens in our life?
Ebenezer, until here God has helped us. For the past 21 years of my life, He has helped me a lot, safe me, sustains me, guide me. and for the next years of my life He is Immanuel which God is with me. I am no longer afraid of my future of anything that could happen in my life because I am 100% sure that HE HOLDS my future. If He holds mine, He will Hold yours too! Tonight I finally take a brief time with Him, I confess that I was still angry with Him, and ask Him to help me and take me out of my anger, disappointment, and sadness.
Lucunya, selama ini selalu nyanyiin "segala sesuatu yang pelik bisa diringankan dengan peluk" YES! I need Jesus to hug me. Pernah pas berdoa bilang "Tuhan tolong peluk aku, aku rapuh banget sekarang" and then suddenly you feel like someone is hugging you? I FEEL THAT. And really, it is the sweetest hug I've experienced. Diantara semua pelukan yang pernah gue rasain wkwk dipeluk Tuhan Yesus itu yang paling nyaman, manis, dan berasa you bisa release all of your fear to Him.
isn't this so sweet, when He never ever leave you and consistently love you unconditionally?
gak terima dong pas dikasih tau gitu? apaan sih nih orang tiba-tiba ngomong kek gitu? gue kan emang sayang banget sama keluarga. Salah gitu? gue sadar akan hal itu, kalo emang selama ini salah sampe gue lebih sayang sama keluarga dibanding sayang sama Tuhan. But, I just stop there. I didn't do anything further to love God more than everything until He really took my mom away. Dengan alasan yang gue bahkan masih gak nyangka, fungsi ginjal tinggal 7% di satu bulan terakhir? kenapa selama ini gak ke detect pas masih 90,80,-50% ??? Am I a joke to you God? I need her! But again, He is God, I am just a creation. I absolutely cannot go against God's will.
but, look! I can see and feel His providence is real in my life. He still sustains me which is completely broken. He provides what I need instead of what I want. He gives me answers to what I've been questioned about. but still, I am a sinner, I know that God will remain faithful to me, but I don't. I tend to avoid His call. I try to find help, but I didn't come to Him. It's completely difficult. And there a moment when I realized that I was still angry with Him. I said to everyone that I'm okay, I share a lot about God's goodness, and that means that I've been so hypocrite. Shame on me.
walaupun begitu ada satu hal yang betul-betul bikin gue gak habis pikir, terenyuh, berkaca-kaca sekitika dekan gue bilang "kita ini mempelai wanitanya Kristus, dan Ia sekali-kali TIDAK AKAN PERNAH menceraikan kita. When He says He loves us, He mean it! do you love Him?" It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard in this world yet sad at the same time. Kayak selama ini gue mencari-cari cinta tapi gak nyadar dan parahnya menolak cinta paling manis dan paling unconditionally which willingly given to me. Mungkin inilah alasan I cannot get someone I love yet karena yaa gue belum bener-bener cinta Tuhan. Karena cinta Tuhan itu gak akan pernah cukup kalo cuma diucapin doang, harus dihidupi! and again, It's Hard! but when you know who you are, you know why are you doing what you are doing, you'll find that He is the sweetest man you'll ever meet.
So, when we say we love God, how if we still do mistakes and sin? YES! That absolutely makes sense cause you still live in this fallen world which means your whole life is still consist of flesh which also means that YOU will still find and face problems that could be lead you to do sin. But this is the time to test our faith, do we remain faithful when God allows bad things happens in our life?
Ebenezer, until here God has helped us. For the past 21 years of my life, He has helped me a lot, safe me, sustains me, guide me. and for the next years of my life He is Immanuel which God is with me. I am no longer afraid of my future of anything that could happen in my life because I am 100% sure that HE HOLDS my future. If He holds mine, He will Hold yours too! Tonight I finally take a brief time with Him, I confess that I was still angry with Him, and ask Him to help me and take me out of my anger, disappointment, and sadness.
Lucunya, selama ini selalu nyanyiin "segala sesuatu yang pelik bisa diringankan dengan peluk" YES! I need Jesus to hug me. Pernah pas berdoa bilang "Tuhan tolong peluk aku, aku rapuh banget sekarang" and then suddenly you feel like someone is hugging you? I FEEL THAT. And really, it is the sweetest hug I've experienced. Diantara semua pelukan yang pernah gue rasain wkwk dipeluk Tuhan Yesus itu yang paling nyaman, manis, dan berasa you bisa release all of your fear to Him.
isn't this so sweet, when He never ever leave you and consistently love you unconditionally?
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